If there’s something about financial control that ought to be educated to Singaporeans here, it should be called Financial Rationing. Speaking of which, the last time I experienced water rationing was eons ago. I could remember lining up along the pathetic water hose when everyone queued frantically for that extra ounce of drinking liquid only to hear a long distressing moan signifying the end of that very last drop. Ha.

I’ve been paying my debts after a year’s long of gadget purchasing. Being truly interested in photography and all things mac haven’t been really helpful in controlling my wallet. Oh, that sleek black macbook and that spanking new canon L lens couldn’t seem to get out of my mind.

It’s trying to make ends meet, even for your own life. Nevertheless, I still managed to hang out with Shao Xiang and Kevin last Saturday for a quick get together. Like Shao Xiang beautifully stated,

“it (the gathering) really helped in assuring everyone that no one was being forgotten.”

When I was still in elementary school, there was once we were told to play a tune on the recorder in front of the entire class as part of the music lesson requirement. Being the non-musically-talented person I was, I didn’t give a hoot about preparing for the “test”. One by one, my friends went up along the aisle of that cemented flooring classroom and do their stuff, and one by one the teacher marked a huge tick against the names on the class rooster.

My turn came. I held the ceramic recorder in my hands, meticulously covering my fingers over the holes. My mind went blank and I started to perspire. My hands shook involuntarily; perspiration continue flowing and I could feel my shirt stick on my back. My cheeks flushed. At the corners of the class were people giggling over the boo-boo that I’ve just created. The five minutes were the longest I’ve ever endured in my life. The result: a fool I have turned myself into.

The lesson was finally over. But the lesson was akin to a battle on the fields for years, friends distant themselves from me because I was the least popular - the one that couldn’t perform.

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I’ve spent the last few days doing some serious self reflection, speaking to the many advisors I had. I must say that reflection and deep conversations were among the many things I enjoyed doing, it never fails to unveil several concerns which I never had known when doing alone.

This particular reflection, as with those I previously had, was a journey of self discovery. I get to know myself more today than I did two years ago. I realised that most of us had very diverse notions of what a friend should be. I’ve always believed in the power of reciprocity: you receive whatever you give, albeit not immediately. But I was mistaken; not everyone subscribed to this idea of friends.

I began to notice that my report card not expressing the grade I would have expected to. I didn’t know where it’d gone wrong. I was failing. 

Friends are not a form of barter trade; we’re not obliged to return a favour though it may seemed the right thing to.

In order to get along with people, I’ve eventually turned passive while allowing others to triumph on the side of aggressiveness. I agree readily when asked upon, even offering help before it was asked. I had no definite answers whether if this practice is correct.

What’s an A+ friend to you?