I can’t believe this is what I get out of being sensitive to the feelings of others: to be labeled as a heck care, couldn’t be bothered “friend”. I’m dumbstruck.

At this very moment, a lot is rattling up there, as I pen my words. Each of them have to be chosen carefully, with high sensitivity.

I just had a disagreement with a friend whom I think is worth befriending (even after this minor row). We initially planned for a meeting today together with another close friend of mine, but it never materialized because he wanted to clear up his work.

I got to know about his decision only yesterday, and we planned for this day earlier this week after a number of modifications to the initial plan. Sure I was irate, pissed and fuming, but still I didn’t let the matter blow up because it was a minute issue. I decided not to confront. Work is after all, more important than play.

But hell no, I can’t deny the fact that I was angry, can I? So I started pondering. I was extremely careful not to spew any form of statements that can be provoking, and I admit I was jumping at all opportunities to incite an argument. But I didn’t make the latter choice. In my mind, I was eager for an explanation, for a reason that could appease my flaming anger. I wanted to get under his skin by criticizing his lack of proper time management. I wanted to provoke him by saying all he mentioned previously were merely lip service.

But I didn’t and it was all along an internal struggle.

I know I was over reacting, but it’s partly because I have made plans to keep Sunday free. I have finished most of my work, even a submission due on Monday. I have deferred all plans to keep Sunday free because Kevin and him couldn’t make it on a Saturday. I know I was on an edgy mood because my efforts didn’t paid off and his attitude didn’t reciprocate. And the entire saga elicits in a very whinny early twenties post teenager.

I confronted him anyway a moment ago. And we ended with an abrupt end, with him signing off prematurely and me stereotyped as someone who didn’t care. Seriously speaking, I didn’t expect the strong rejoinder from him or myself being classified as a perfidy.

For so much of considerations I have done; I thought I cared.